A Soldier’s Eternity

The desert gives us an image of flat, immovable eternity. Resolute in the way that it holds us, as if we are prisoners under some merciless trapdoor. Pounding against the wooden stage for an opportunity to be released – an opportunity to take those long overdue steps toward life, an opportunity to smell my wife’s hair once more. But I would sink below that trapdoor if only I might walk away from this place of forty days and forty nights. For a trapdoor provides the anticipation that one might come about to unlock it – that someone might hear the pounding. And he will find himself rushing over to lift you from your misery. And that anticipation, under that trapdoor, inside that jail cell, locked in that closet – that anticipation is what keeps the inhalations following each exhalation. That anticipation gives you permission to live.

But in the desert: the sand – and monotony – swallow anticipation.

For in the desert, no one hears your pounding, your screaming, your crying. And the only person to panic at the sound of your sudden, visceral cries is the same one you would find in your mirror back home. And nearly every night, you find that you are ripped from sleep, with weapon in hand. (The movement as automatic as the death derived from it.) For with its rigid landscape, the desert breeds the reflexive: And you find that you forget what it meant to be a man, what it meant to anticipate, what it meant to breathe.

— KT

In response to the Weekly Writing Challenge.

Photo Credit: USA Today.

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5 thoughts on “A Soldier’s Eternity

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